How to Be More Composed
Key Takeaways
- People with composed personalities reflect before speaking and remain calm under pressure.
- People of all personality types may want to call upon the composed mindset when they need to make people feel heard or consider an issue from a different perspective.
- You can practice being more composed by recognizing the thoughts standing in your way, setting goals, and practicing.
- Be more composed by identifying your emotional triggers, thinking through situations in advance, and relabeling your emotions, among other tips.
We all have mindsets that feel natural to us—so natural that they may seem to be our only options as we move through our days. But if you rely too heavily on your most comfortable attitudes, you end up seeing the world in a biased way. You don’t realize that your instinctive reactions are not your only choices.
With knowledge and practice, you’ll be able to see the wide range of possibilities for how to react in any situation. Further, you’ll develop the ability to choose the best path.
What does it mean to be composed?
“I stay calm under pressure.”
People with composed personalities tend to be purposeful in their responses, reflecting before speaking or acting. Like everyone, they may have a knee-jerk reaction, but they know that doesn’t mean they have to act on it. Words and actions have implications, so they want to think everything through before choosing a course.
Composed people generally hide their frustrations well and handle themselves professionally, even during stress, and may radiate a sense of calm that helps defuse anxious environments.
A composed personality often aligns with DiSC® SC and CS styles.
Source: Everything DiSC® Agile EQ™
Why can some people maintain composure?
A person’s natural mindsets don’t form in a vacuum—they are built over time by the needs most important to that person. The disposition and actions of composed people are driven, in part, by needs such as:
- stability
- security
- harmony
- avoiding criticism
- avoiding making mistakes
- avoiding letting people down
Benefits of composure
Practicing composed thinking can allow you to:
- think through your actions and be intentional in how you respond
- press pause on a knee-jerk reaction that would make things worse
- create a sense of calm for those around you
- insert space between your instinctive response and your actions, even when you’re upset
- exercise diplomacy and understand the consequences of your choices
Learning how to be composed under pressure is a skill that benefits everyone. Composure in general has specific benefits for people of different DiSC styles:
- D styles can choose composure to keep from overwhelming more reserved colleagues.
- i styles can help safeguard relationships by not giving in to strong emotions when that is not appropriate for the situation.
- For C styles, lack of composure doesn’t usually manifest in big emotions or outbursts. Instead, it may shine through in a dissatisfied tone or eye rolls. These communication styles tend to shut the conversation down.
- For S styles, composure helps create a calm and harmonious environment.
Limitations of the composed mindset
If you over-rely on the composed mindset without adjusting to the situation at hand, you might:
- overthink something that needs a quicker response
- miss out on opportunities to share your perspective because you’re too concerned with weighing your words
- gloss over a problem with a colleague when candid feedback is a better choice
- internalize your frustration and stress, which can lead to resentment or burnout
- feel alienated when others charge ahead without you
- be hard to read, which can make others feel slighted if they have approached you with enthusiasm they don’t see matched
- feel very passionately about something, but not adequately communicate your passion and excitement to others
Situations in which you may want to maintain composure
Developing emotional intelligence helps you distinguish which mindsets to call upon in which situations. In general, you might need a composed mind when:
- avoiding rash decisions in the heat of the moment
- de-escalating tension
- discussing a sensitive topic
- allowing space for careful thought and consideration
- keeping those around you calm
How to be more composed
Recognize your thoughts
Lack of composure manifests differently in different DiSC styles. An iS style may bottle things up, ruminating and assuming the worst, while a D style may lash out or push harder.
A big part of building your emotional intelligence is noticing the automatic thoughts that influence your actions. Often, you may not even realize these thoughts are there. (We discuss this more in the article on productive conflict.) To stay composed, you may need to battle inner voices telling you:
- I have to act on this now.
- The way I feel right now is how I will always feel.
- I’m just calling it like it is.
- I can’t believe they care so little about my feelings.
Set goals
The Agile EQ profile provides a personalized “Where should you start?” section with beginner, intermediate, and advanced goals based on your DiSC style, your EQ assessment, and your effort meter (see sample Agile EQ profile). Example goals for the composed mindset, which vary in difficulty for different people, include:
- I understand the things that tend to set me off.
- I know the consequences of losing my composure and I keep them in mind when it counts.
- I know how to talk myself down and maintain an even keel in most situations.
Start practicing
Depending on your personality, here are some tips for staying composed:
- Step away and revisit the issue later.
- Think about a situation beforehand, if you know it might be tense. What response might you be proud of? Create a plan for sticking to that response.
- Identify your triggers.
- Learn how to maintain control by relabeling your emotions. Does it change how you think about yourself when you are excited rather than flustered, or passionate rather than angry?
- Learn the signs of emotional exhaustion, in you and others.
If you’d like some support in reaching your EQ goals, consider finding a leadership or life coach to help you focus on what is most important to you. Or you and a friend can set up an “accountability buddy” system where you support each other with regular check-ins.
If it takes a lot of effort for you to be calm and composed, that is not going to change overnight. But like any skill, you'll improve when you incorporate practice into your routine.
Posted 08/14/2020
